I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
