What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
