Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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