Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize