Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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