What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
