This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
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No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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