woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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