IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
