1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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