I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
