oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
