dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish you could order shots online.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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