I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
