I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
