I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
And then he peed in my hair
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