Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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