Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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