sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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