The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
