someone threw a dead crab at me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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