Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
