I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
