just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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