It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is the high leading the old right now
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
