Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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