C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
