I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
