You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
