I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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