I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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