haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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