He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
