Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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