lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
