being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
