If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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