we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
