please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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