just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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