dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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