I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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