I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
