I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's always time for handjobs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
