My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
