Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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