He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
