she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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