Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
