I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
