We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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