some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
