Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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