You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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