is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
