look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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