Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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