If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
