I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
