Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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