I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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