At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
