apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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