She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
