I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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