One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
cat food counts as protein by the way
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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