my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
