im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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