i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
