These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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