I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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