She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
